Now I ask that you keep an open mind, kind readers. My theory is not the most outlandish in the theory-sphere, but nor is it easy to come to accept. It is something that I have been considering for a while now, and I have yet to come across any evidence to disprove it:
Mariah Carey is a vampire.
My research at this stage is somewhat limited, nevertheless I feel it is grounded in enough semi-logical fun facts that I can pose it to you all without ramifications.
First of all, why is it that Mariah seems to never age? Plastic surgery is what everyone automatically assumes, but it is just too convenient an alibi. I would pose that it is the lifeblood of her victims that gives her the flawless complexion and curvy sexiness for which she is famous.
Secondly, Mariah has that ridiculously high vocal range. It doesn't just verge on sonar-like levels, I believe she is capable of communicating with bats - because she can transform into one! I am yet to enter a bat-filled cave armed with garlic and crosses and a recording of "Butterfly" to test this theory, but I'm betting that when I do... Well, I might just end up needing a tetanus shot or something.
And the nail in the coffin - so to speak - lies within the very lyrics of one of her own songs. She thought she could slip it in there without anyone noticing, but she didn't count on the likes of me! The song, "We Belong Together". The line, 'who's gonna talk to me until the sun comes up.'
Aha! She doesn't sleep at night, which means she must sleep during the day because she can't go out in the sunlight!
I reckon that if you have a close look at some of her other songs you will find more hints. Her "wanting a little taste" of people and stuff.
Now if something should happen to me, or if a post comes up on here dismissing this theory, then they will have gotten to me and it is up to you all to get the truth out there. If this is the case, I'd be wary of any invitations from me wanting to "catch up" in the evening time...
Compelling, yes?
Dale. :)
