Jobs & Loathing

The job hunt begins today! I will be earning money again, and my bank balance will stop plummeting down to hell because of my gym membership, phone credit, stupid excess internet fees and the like! That's assuming I get a job sometime soon. But.. I will won't I? Most of you would hire me as an employee wouldn't you? I mean, I'm loyal, trustworthy, friendly, responsible, punctual and caring aren't I? :P Well spread the good word about me to everyone. There's something in it for all of you too - the more money I have, the better presents I can buy for your birthday, the more drinks I can shout you when we're out somewhere, etc etc - so helping me is really helping yourself out! What are you waiting for??

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Having just eaten lunch, I underwent one of my usual struggles.. I encountered a rebellious food packet. Now I know that it sounds silly, but hear me out, you may well have experienced a similar ordeal. For many a-year now I've had the one mortal enemy, nemesis if you like, that has filled my life with frustration and pure hatred. This nemesis comes in many forms, shapes and sizes, but always manages to torment me at meal times: food packaging. On countless occasions I have been denied easy access to the delicious contents of stubborn plastic containers, casings or packets, and I have had enough! Too many times have menacing donut containers broken when I've had to pry them open with all my might to defeat their malicious resistance to me! Too many times have cereal packets torn improperly leading to half the cereal spilling on the floor or all over me! Too many times have stupid plastic outer cases broken when I've been struggling to fit the fiddly inner cases back inside them! To all the food packages out there... you have made a big mistake in pissing this perpetually hungry person off. Oh yes, you've made a big mistake in making an enemy of the likes of me, retched food packets. Mark my words! I shall get the better of you and make you understand the unparalleled frustration of such inconveniences!

Fruitless venting over.

Dale.